The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the Sun

CHAPTER 1
1 January 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Sat means truth, being, existence, rahasya means mystery, mysteriousness. Truth is mysterious. It
cannot be known, it is unknowable... not unknown but unknowable, because the unknown can be
known some day, will be known some day, but truth can never be known. That’s its intrinsic quality.
Remove one veil and you find another. Remove another and you find still more, and it goes on ad
infinitum. There comes no point where you can say that the journey is finished; there comes no
point where you can say that the boundary has been achieved. It is infinite.

The more you know, the more you know that knowledge is impossible. The more you know, the less
you know. The more you know, the more mysterious life becomes. It is a mystery – the sun behind
the sun behind the sun. You get through one mystery and you simply stumble into another, and the
other is far deeper than the first. But that does not mean that one cannot live truth; one can live, one
can be, but one cannot know. So the real seeker is not searching for what truth is; he is searching
to find how to live it. That’s where faith comes in, trust comes in. Without knowing it you start living
it first.

It is almost like a woman getting pregnant: she does not know how the pregnancy really happens,
she does not know how the child is going to grow. She knows nothing about the mystery but the child
is growing all the time and the woman becomes the mother. Not that she knows how life arrives,
how it grows; she knows nothing. Exactly like that, one has to become a womb for truth. One just
has to be feminine, open, and one day something penetrates. That penetration transforms you and
you start living on a different plane; your quality changes, your attitudes change. The world remains
the same, but it is no more the same because you are no more the same.... But you never know.

You can love truth. That is the meaning of faith: loving something that you have not seen, loving
something that is not provable, loving something that is almost unbelievable, that in fact should not
be if the world is logical, loving something which you feel but you cannot know.Feeling is possible. Truth enters through the heart, not through the head.

[A sannyasin asks about her problem: It’s about shock. After primal, in the last days of primal, I had
a feeling of anguish... I feel afraid.]

It is nothing to be worried about and you have to allow it. You have been resisting, you have been
trying to avoid it. This is something beautiful that is coming very very close to exploding. It is the
death of the ego that is very close by, hence the fear and anguish. You should be happy that it is
coming close, but the fear is also natural.

It feels almost as if one is going to die. Because you don’t know yourself; you know only the ego.
You know the ego as yourself; you don’t know that you are not the ego, that you are the witness
of it, that you are utterly separate from it, that it is just a cloud in the sky and you are the sky, and
the cloud disperses. Nothing to be worried about. The sky will not disperse because the cloud has
dispersed; in fact the sky will become more clean, more clear when the cloud is gone. But for many
lives one goes on thinking of oneself as the cloud, so when the cloud starts dispersing, fear arises,
panic arises.

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